In Deuteronomy 31, Moses is speaking to all of Israel as they overlook the Promised Land and crossing the Jordan River. He boldly states that he is 120 years old. He tells God's people in verse 3, "The Lord your God himself will go over before you." He goes on to tell them that Joshua will be their new leader. He tells them there are enemies over there, but the victory is already theirs. In fact in verse 6, Moses tells them this, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Talk about encouragement!!! But do we really take those words "do not fear" to heart in our every day life???
Over these past 6 weeks, I, along with many of you, prayed for a lower CA125 number. I was "fearful" that the number would go up. I was "fearful" that I would need to get another CT scan and ultimately "fearful" that something new would appear on that scan and "fearful" that another 6 rounds of chemo was in my future.
Then a new song by Francesca Battistelli, "The Breakup Song" started playing on Christian radio. At first, I just thought it was a fun song, but then I really listened to the lyrics. The first line of the chorus just got me. "Fear you don't own me." Then those words became my battle cry. Any time over the past few weeks I was feeling anxious, I would sing out those words, "Fear you don't own me" and thank God that He goes before me not just in test results, but in all things. In fact, as I was driving to my doctor appointment on Tuesday, August 28, this song played. Now that's a God thing!!!
Here is the video of "The Breakup Song":
And although my number went up a smidge, my doctor was not worried and I don't have to go back for 8 weeks - October 23!!!
Also, September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. Do you know the symptoms? I am also walking in the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition's 2018 Philadelphia Run/Walk to Break the Silence on Ovarian Cancer on September 8. I am on Team MD Anderson. I would love if you could donate a few dollars to my cause. Here is the link: https://runwalk.ovarian.org/philadelphia/philippians413girl
Sorry it's been so long, but my life has been and continues to run at a rapid pace. May & June were a blur with travel to Atlanta to be part of my "grand-niece's" dedication on Mother's Day. It was great being with our Georgia family, but I definitely missed my Mom. Here is a picture of us after the service:
The following weekend was FAC's Women's Conference with Bianca Olthoff. She is an amazing teacher/speaker. The worship was AWESOME, too!!!
On June 5th, I was scheduled to have my next follow-up visit. I usually go to the hospital lab the day prior to my appointment. I try to be there right when they open at 7am. So on Monday, June 4th, I get there a little before 7am. They call my name to check-in, etc. and the woman at the desk says, "We don't take your insurance any longer." I said, "WHAT??? I was just here at the end of April." She checked and beginning May 1st, they no longer take my insurance. Now, I have to go back home, eat breakfast, and log on to work. I realize that I will also need to change my doctor appointment and now figure out where to go for my lab work. When I called to cancel/change my appointment, the closest date was July 17!!! I took it and now I needed to just be patient and wait.
For the most part, the days passed quickly and it was finally time to go get my blood drawn on Wednesday, July 11 at 7am. I was in and out in no time and the girl found my vein quickly and easily. Yeah!!! The only thing now was to pray and wait for the results.
On Tuesday, July 17, I logged into my email in the morning and there were my lab results. My dilemma was, do at look at them or do I wait until my doctor appointment. After wrestling with what to do for a few minutes, I decided to take a look. I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but ... my number was up to 38. Not great!!! Of course, I take the doomsday train of thought and think the worst. I just "know" that my doctor is going to want me back on chemo or something equally horrible. But then I mentally slap myself and remind myself that God is in control of EVERY situation I go through and NOTHING happens to me without His knowledge.
When I finally see the doctor, he does a quick exam and tells me my number is up. He wants to wait another 6 weeks. If the number is up again, I'll have to have another CT scan to see what's going on inside. So... steady as she goes. And my next appointment in on August 28.
As I was driving to visit friends at the shore last week, my iTunes played this song. I forgot I even had this song in my playlist! But that's how God works. He constantly gives us reminders of His love and mercy. The song is "Even If" by Kutless. The words really spoke to me in this part of my journey.
As always, THANK YOU for your prayers, your hugs, your encouragement, and your well wishes.
I apologize for the long gap in posts, but the past 5 months have been some of the hardest months that I can remember.
It started on a November evening when my sister & I received the call that my Mom had been taken to the ER after a large dog knocked her down. We found out that she had broken her hip and needed a partial hip replacement. Surgery was successful and she was sent to a rehab facility for about a week. Unfortunately, she & Dad were unable to travel with us to visit family in Georgia for Thanksgiving. Not long after that, she was released from rehab due to her determination to walk again. During that time, we all worked together to do all the household chores that Mom was so good at doing. She came home and continued her steady progress of walking and finally doing the stairs to her sewing room on the second floor. Her first outing was Christmas Eve service. Life was basically back to normal.
December was a busy month with the Annual Dessert Cantata with my choir family. It was a blessed 4 nights of singing and celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Christmas was just the 4 of us. We were sad that some of our regular friends could not join us.
The day after Christmas was test day for me -- a CT scan and a mammogram. Mammogram was clear and I knew I would need to wait until January to find out the results of the CaT scan. I had the rest of the week off and I was determined to do some house cleaning. The rest of the week went too fast. I didn't get as much done as I would have liked, but who does?
2018 arrived and my job became extremely busy. But on January 9, I had finally had my doctor's appointment. It was time to get the results. Two very good answers to prayer -- 1. spots smaller or gone and my CA125 number had gone from 34 to 33!!! Praise the Lord!!!!!!!! Next appointment on February 20.
On Sunday, January 21, I flew to Birmingham, AL to work at the home office for a week with my team followed at the end of the week with our company's annual meeting. Since we all work from our homes, it's always nice to work with people. Although, I was glad when I came back home to my nice, quiet office. My flight home was delayed many, many times, but I finally made it home and was welcomed home by my family with one of my favorite meals. It certainly was good to be home!!!
Monday, January 29 was, of course, another busy day, but since my sister was teaching that evening, I was expected to have dinner with my parents. I remember chatting about the annual meeting, etc. and just hanging out for a bit and leaving their home about 9pm so I could get home before my sister. Just another normal evening, until ...
Around 8am the next morning, my cell phone rang. I saw it was my parent's number. It's my Dad. He's telling me Mom had fallen and they've taken her by ambulance to the hospital. I'm thinking something has happened to her hip. So by the time I call my manager to get coverage, put on my shoes, grab my keys, etc. and head over to pick up Dad, his neighbor, greets me and says, "She didn't look good." Praying, driving, praying, driving. I drop my Dad at the ER entrance and then look for a place to park and quickly walk back to the ER. We wait for what seemed like a long time, finally someone called for us to follow them. I remembered that hallway, when I was in the hospital for my emergency surgery. They showed us into a room, but Mom was not in there. What's going on??? After a few minutes, a doctor came in. I really don't remember much, but we were telling him about Mom's hip replacement and then he was talking about all they tried to do, but in the end, Mom went to meet Jesus. I think Dad & I were just in shock. This could not be happening!!! I don't remember much after that. They wanted to know if we wanted to see her body, but I remember telling them, that she wasn't there she was in heaven. Then I called my sister and had to tell her over the phone that Mom was gone.
The rest of that day, I called family & friends and cried my eyes out. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. January 30, 2018 was the day our lives changed. My sister & I suddenly had to take over the responsibility of taking care of Dad. Although he can do his own laundry, pay the bills, take care of the outside of the house, cooking & cleaning are not in his wheelhouse! The next day, we met with the funeral director and made plans to bury her the following Monday with a small graveside service. We are thankful that many of Mom's cousins, some of our "family" from Georgia were here and some other family friends were able to be at the cemetery with us. Instead of a funeral, we decided to have a Celebration of Life service. After finally confirming the date, March 3, we spent the month of February planning the service and making sure all the details were covered. If you missed her obituary, you can read it here: http://www.bradleystow.com/notices/Carolyn-Perry
In the midst of all this, I had another follow-up appointment on February 20. It was a good appointment and my CA125 went from 33 to 32. Down is a good thing. I was afraid that all the stress of Mom's passing would elevate my numbers, but God is good & the number went down.
Of course the day before the service, March 2, the weather turned nasty and several friends were unable to travel to the service. And I still had to write what I was going to say about Mom. I am grateful to the Lord that the words just flowed and I prayed that I could get through my part without bawling. Thanks be to God that I was able to speak clearly and lovingly about my Mom.
Thankfully, March 3 was a beautiful, sunny day. Thank you Jesus! The service included two anthems sung by the FAC Choir, scripture readings, a beautiful song by my "niece & nephew," reflections by my Dad and myself, and a message by one of our pastors. A reception followed at our church's Kingdom Cafe. As much as I wished that this didn't happen, my mantra was Mom was fondly remembered and God was glorified.
The rest of March was a blur between the weather, being extremely busy at work, trying to find a new normal routine, attending Bible Study, choir rehearsals, quilt guild meetings, and helping Dad deal with all the paperwork that you need to deal with when a loved one dies, and trying to deal with my own grief, it was probably one of the lowest points in my life. If I didn't have Jesus, I would need to be treated for depression. But these thoughts keep me going and keep me focused ... Would it have been better a day later? A week? A month? A year? Five years??? NO!!! She is the lucky one. She is in heaven. She is in His presence. She is glorifying Him. She is dining at His table. She is walking the streets of gold and living in the mansion that was readied especially for her. Until the day I can see Jesus face to face, I will miss her with every fiber of my being, but I know that nothing in my life happens without being filtered through the loving hands of my Lord. And everytime I question why, the answer comes ... for my good and His glory!!!
April also flew by with Easter, my Dad's birthday, jury duty, our quilt guild's spring retreat, plus many of the normal weekly activities. I think we are finally getting into a good groove.
On April 17, I again had a follow-up visit. Although my CA125 went from 32 to 33, my doctor did not seem too concerned and my next appointment is on June 5. Otherwise, I feel great, but I need to find time and desire to get back to the gym.
Well, that's all she wrote ... for now. I'll be back soon with my long overdue "word" for 2018. I thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement, hugs, texts, emails, and Facebook posts. I continue to covet your prayers for my family and my health. This song by Tauren Wells has been an encouragement to me over the past months. I hope you will find it encouraging, too.
Anyone who knows me, knows math is not my best subject. However, I'll take this math equation for my CA125 numbers. In August my CA125 had gone back up to 43. My next follow-up appointment was 6 weeks later at the end of September. My CA125 was back down to 38!!! Praise the Lord!!! If you add another 6 weeks, At my follow-up appointment in early November, my number was down to 34!!! Praise the Lord!!! I can't believe that I've been on this journey for almost 4 years. Thank you everyone for all the prayers, hugs, encouragement, cards, emails, and texts. I am blessed. Prayer Requests: I need to have another CT scan before my next follow-up appointment. My next appointment is January 2, 2018. Pray for a lower CA125 number. Only by His Strength, Sandy PS - I'll blog more at the end of the year!!! :)
Leopards. One of the 5 "big cats" in the world. A stealthy killer and excellent tree climber. And they are known for their rosettes or "spots."
As I learned from the doctor on Tuesday afternoon, I still have my spots, too. One little one on my lung and one on my liver. There was no change from my PET scan in March. In one way, that's good news. In another, that's not good news. As best I can figure, the pill that I'm taking has stopped them from growing and more from developing. I know the only one that can remove them completely is God. The other disappointing news is that my CA125 number went up 5 points to 43. Although 5 may not seem like much, but to me, that's not good. While there isn't anything I can do to remove the spots, the one thing I can do is continue to place my trust in the One who created me and has a perfect plan for my life. He is the ultimate spot remover. He died on the cross to take away the spot of sin that destroys our lives. We just need to believe and trust Him. I've been playing this song by Lauren Daigle. The words are right where I am right now.
Who or what are YOU trusting in??? Prayer Requests: * Next doctor appointment on Tuesday, September 26 * Get on track with my writing Only by His Strength, Sandy
Hello Everyone!!! I hope you are enjoying your summer as much as I am. I've been so busy since my last doctor's appointment, but more on that in another post. Yesterday, Tuesday, July 18, I had another oncology appointment to find out my CA-125 number. After lots of prayer, I got the news the number is now ...
It still needs to be lower, but to me, 38 is great! Between now and my next appointment on August 15, I need to having another CT (cat) scan. Well, that's all for now. Enjoy your summer!!! Keep cool!!! Prayer Requests: The spots on my lung and liver will be gone! Lower CA-125 number
Last month, from May 18-23th, it was finally time for the Leader's Circle trip I had won at our company's annual meeting. While in Mexico, we went to Chichen Itza, swam with dolphins, sea lions, and manatees, I laid by the pool, and we boarded the Jolly Roger for a fun dinner pirate cruise. It was fun getting to know some of my co-workers better and get away from the craziness of life.
Me at Chichen Itza
But as with all vacations, you need return to reality. Unfortunately, my reality involves taking a small pill everyday called Tamoxifen in hopes that it continues to zap the teeny, weeny spot on my lung and praying I will have none of the nasty (possibly life-threatening) side effects. Of course, as the day draws closer for my next oncology appointment, so do my doubts. Is this pill working? Was the last test just a fluke? Will I still need more chemo? Then I pray and remember that it is ALL in His Hands. This song from Hillary Scott is also a good reminder.
So ... when doing the limbo, you must go low to get under the obstacle. When you are doing the CA125 limbo, you also want your number to be low. Lower than 35 is considered normal. As I waited for the doctor yesterday, I just kept praying, and hoping, and thinking lower. And to my delight ... the number was 51!!! Down 39 "points" in six weeks!!! Praise the Lord!!! So here's Shemika Charles, a limbo expert, as she auditioned for America's Got Talent several years ago. She's doing my "happy limbo dance."
Thank you for your continued prayers & encouragement. Love & hugs to you all!!! Mighty Prayer Warriors (MPWs) - Prayer requests: Pray for my next appointment on July 18. Pray that my CA125 would again be down. Pray for the Lord's guidance as I write & develop the lessons for the kids during our church's summer program. Pray for time to continue developing my book idea. Only by His Strength, Sandy
