Leaning

A tower in Pisa. An old rundown shack. Politicians. Me. 

Those would all be good clues for the category "Things/People That are Leaning" on the $25,000 Pyramid TV game show.

But life is not a game show.

God has given each of us a choice -- whether to trust Him and His leading or go our own way. Many years ago, I made the decision to trust Him and I try to follow where He leads and trust that what He puts in my path is for my good and used to bring Him glory. 

If you'll remember, at the end of October, I had a CT scan because my CA-125 number was rising. CA-125 is a marker in your blood for ovarian cancer. They did not see any cancer, but a small, fluid-filled cyst was spotted on my liver. My doctor wanted to drain some of that fluid to see what it was. So on November 6, I had a some of the fluid drained for testing and a medical drain inserted to "drain" some more of the fluid. Finally, after 24 days of my "friend" Mr. Bulby hanging around, they removed the drain. Hallelujah!!!

I found out the results of the testing during my November follow-up appointment. Results of the fluid were suspicious, but not confirmed for cancer. Just a bunch of a-typical cells floating around. However, my oncologist, Dr. A., wanted me to have another blood test and follow-up appointment at the end of December to see if the CA-125 went up or down.

With the support & prayers of many people, I had my blood work done on the morning of December 21. I didn't think I'd see/hear the results until my appointment on December 29. However, the results are published electronically to my portal on the hospital's website several days after testing. So, what did I see the morning after Christmas??? Unfortunately, the CA-125 number took a huge jump up. UGH!!!

With a friend in town for Christmas and visiting friends, etc., I didn't have much time to think about what the rising number would mean to my life.

However, the appointment with Dr. A. confirmed that those "suspicious" a-typical cells were having a party and we needed to put an end to their fun. And the only way to end their fun is 6 more rounds of chemo. This was not the news I was anticipating. I was convinced that my achy, arthritic knees and the inflammation there was the cause of my rising numbers. I was thinking... let me get the shots for my knees and see if the numbers go down. Dating Mr. Chemo again was not even on the list!!!

Again, God's ways are not my ways. We only see what's right in front of us and sometimes, we don't even see that!!! I was quite devastated and shocked. I cried. I yelled at God (not out loud). I thought ... I really hate cancer!!! And bummer, there goes my hair. Just when I was getting the hang of thick hair that holds a curl!!! But, again, God has me going through this again for a reason. I don't know now what that is, but I'm going to trust Him and lean on Him through it all.

I saw this on Ann Voskamp's facebook page yesterday. I love the saying.

And the person behind, in front, and on either side of me is the Almighty God. The Great Physician & Healer. I'm reminded of that old hymn, "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms." The words of the verses are by Elisha A. Hoffman and the refrain words are by Anthony J. Showalter. I especially like the last verse of the song. The words of the hymn are loosely based on Deuteronomy 33:27a - "The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms."

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain

Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;

Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

O how bright the path grows from day to day,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain

Who are YOU leaning on???

To all my Prayer Warriors:

Please pray for the following --

- My first date with Mr. Chemo is scheduled for Tuesday, January 12 at 9am.

- That I would get the rest, the exercise, and the diet I need to start this treatment in the best shape.

- That God would use me for His glory every step of the way.

- That all the paperwork for my job would be filed quickly and efficiently.

Only by His Strength,

Sandy

PS. Here's a look at me today, with my current hair.

Two

Today is a good day to celebrate. 

Today we celebrate 2 years of God's faithfulness. 

Today we celebrate Him for healing and removing the cancer.

Today we celebrate Him for walking before me & with me every step of the way.

Today we celebrate Him for the good reports & the not so good reports. 

Today, we celebrate Him for hair -- which grows like a weed and is thick and wavy.

Today, we celebrate Him for employment with a great company doing a job I love.

Today, we celebrate Him for EVERYTHING!!!

Today, I celebrate Him because "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength."

It's been 2 years since I was admitted to the hospital and my life changed. So, I ask you to celebrate with me all that God has done in the last 2 years and pray with me for strength and courage to face all that God is going to do in the next days, weeks and years that I have left on this earth.

And I thank YOU, the reader of my ramblings, for your amazing prayer support!!! You rock!!!

More next week after my next follow-up oncology appointment on Tuesday, November 24.

Only by His Strength,
Sandy

Prayer works

That's right. You heard me. Prayer works. 

Last post, I asked you to pray for a clear CT scan. I received the results ... 

NO CANCER!!! 

However, I they did see a very small, fluid-filled cyst on my liver which they would like to check out. I'm currently waiting for a call from another doctor's office to schedule the procedure. I believe it will be outpatient surgery. 

More later. 

Praising the Lord for answered prayer!!!! 

Prayer Request:

Please pray that the cyst is just routine and nothing is unusual.

Only by His Strength,
Sandy

Fears

During the month of October, television & the movies try their hardest to scare us with tales of horror and things that go bump in the night. The dictionary describes fear as, “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.” And I don’t like that feeling one bit.

But our personal fears and anxiety can sometimes be more terrifying than a movie. Those fears can cause us to miss out on the things that God has planned. I never want to miss out on God’s plan. He sees the whole story of my life and orchestrates each chapter. He knows what’s best for me and if I just trust He’s got me, I’m no longer a scaredy cat but a champion.

In my last blog post, I was anxious about my job & my CA-125 number. I am happy to announce that I still have a job. It is on another government account, TSA. Other than learning their policies and procedures, it has been a very smooth transition. In fact, I spent a week at our home office in Birmingham, Alabama to learn the account. So far, the account has been unusually slow which has been a good way to learn.

However, when they retested for my CA-125, the number had again increased. With this increase, my oncologist ordered a CT scan. According to the nurse, the rise in the number can be caused by infection, inflammation, or stress. Well, I certainly had the stress thing going on and maybe my achy knees are part of the problem, too.

I must admit that when I heard the news that my number had risen. I cried. I cried out to God and asked why??? I didn’t receive any great revelations, but He did give me peace. I don’t know why I’m going through this “trial,” but I know God has a plan and His ways are always better – not easier, but better.

Love this verse (1 Peter 5:7). I love that just had a chapter on Fear in my Bible study. I love that God always puts devotions and songs and His word right in front of me when I need reassurance.

We sang this song in church. I don’t know what’s going on in your life. What you’re afraid of or why you might be anxious, but give it over to God. Don't be a slave to fear!!!

Prayer request:

Pray for a clear scan this Thursday, October 22 at 9:30am.

Only by His Strength,

Sandy

Three Things

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Paul writes this “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” NLT

Always be joyful.

What is joyful??? Always walking around with a silly grin on your face??? For me, I try to focus on the positive side. Like the song says, “look on the bright side of life.” It’s not always easy these days with violence in the streets, wars within countries, and the divide between God’s way & the world’s way is getting wider and wider every day.

However, if we truly follow God’s way, based on His Word, we can experience joy in even the hardest circumstances … liking dealing with a diagnosis of cancer.

The unofficial end of a hot & humid summer has come. Most children are back in school or start tomorrow and Moms are thankful. My summer was a busy one indeed. From seeing friends … from near & far, weekends in the Poconos, the Annual Choir Picnic, Vacation Bible School, running our business, a weekend in Cape May, and plenty of quilting, my life this summer was anything but boring. It was quite fun & quite joyful!!!

Never stop praying.

Never is a really long time. How do you never stop praying??? What about sleep??? In my mind, we always need to be in an attitude of prayer. Be aware of when God brings people or situations to mind. Be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

In just my Choir Family alone this summer, several have needed prayer for diagnosis of cancer, emergency surgery while on vacation, and surgery while home.

Others close to me have needed prayers while traveling home from a year away. Another needed prayer for employment. Others return to the US needing prayer to raise support to return to the assignment God has given them. Prayers were also lifted up for those workers on short-term trips and those who have given their life in service to the Lord. We should also be in prayer for our country and our leaders. And also for those who lead us in our churches.

There is NEVER a moment when we don’t have ANYTHING to pray about or ANYONE to pray for!!!

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

I know this is going to sound crazy, but I thank God for cancer. I thank God that through this ordeal, my walk has been strengthened. I thank God that I have this blog to praise Him. I thank God that you are reading this & praying for me. I thank God that somehow, someday my story will bring Him glory and encourage others. I thank God that He brought the right doctors into that operating room. And I thank God that He has given men and women around the world the wisdom to invent tests and medicine that will treat this deadly disease.

But when the storms of life come crashing in and the things that you thought were certain, become a little (or a lot) uncertain, how do you respond??? Joyfully???  Prayerfully???  Thankfully???

Over the past 2 weeks, my certain job and my clean bill of health both became uncertain.

On Friday, August 21 about ½ hour before the end of my shift I was “invited” to a mandatory conference call with several other fellow employees. On the call were the Vice President of Operations, the VP of Government Services, and my manager. Once we all were on the call, we were advised that as of October 1, we no longer would be servicing the Department of Commerce account. We lost the contract. On the line … silence. What could we say??? What could we do??? I had an overwhelming feeling of deja vu, but also that God has this under control.

Since then, I have had phone interviews for 3 internal positions which I thought went well. I am praying to get an offer for one specific position. Hopefully, I’ll know by mid-week.

Then on Tuesday, September 1, I had my regular 3 month follow-up oncology appointment. The crazy thing is I usually don’t get my blood test results until after my doctor visit. This time, I received the results one day prior. One of the results I specifically look every time is my CA-125 number. This is a marker in your blood that they look at for ovarian cancer. They say your reading should be under 35. Mine was 38. This was quite distressing and to see it charted out, it’s been on the rise since before May. I asked my doctor if stress could affect the results and he said it could. He wants me to get another blood test just for the CA-125 at the end of September and then we’ll take it as it comes.

But, am I still joyful … YES!!!

Am I still prayerful… YES!!!

Do I still give thanks in every situation… YES!!!

Please pray with me for the following:

1. That I will be offered the position that is best for me.

2. That the elevated CA-125 number was just a bump in the road and that when tested again; the number will be back to an acceptable level.

3. That I would experience God’s peace in both situations. (Colossians 3:15)

Only by His strength,

Sandy

PS - Remember, September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. I you or a woman that you love has any of these symptoms come on suddenly, please have her see her OB/GYN immediately. Ovarian cancer is a silent killer.

THINK TEAL!!!

Yes, It's Been a Loooooong Time

Yes, I’m still alive. A bit frazzled around the edges, but I’m still alive and running like a hamster in a habitrail.

You see, I started this blog post on approximately February 6 after my doctor’s visit on February 3. I had such good intentions and plans and well … work & life just got a bit hectic.

I was so excited that I had “found” my one word for 2015. Looking back, I think God was teaching me several things about my chosen word. And following is what I had written way back in February.

Gymnasts have it.

Ice skaters have it.

Dancers have it.

Any guesses???

Checkbooks should have it and so should the government.

If you're still stumped, then let me tell you about my one word. My friend Gail asked me early in January if I had chosen my word for 2015. I said I really hadn't felt led to a word yet. She encouraged me to pray about it and God would surely reveal it to me. I prayed and thought and prayed and thought, but still nothing seemed to "fit." Then suddenly, when I wasn't really thinking about it... WHAM ... God showed me my word for 2015. It is ... drum roll ........BALANCE!!!!

So, as I begin February, I am trying for that elusive thing that we all desire in our lives and that is balance. My job is very busy most of the time & usually fairly stressful. Our businesses are slow, but we keep learning new things & trying new ideas to generate sales. I'm trying to eat better & get to the gym a couple times a week. Our new semester of Bible study starts soon. And I can't forget my choir family. Plus all the normal, everyday stuff like paying bills, housekeeping, devotions, and trying to enjoy my hobbies. Oh, and don't forget a good night's sleep!!! All that in 7 days makes me tired just reading it!!!!

As I started embracing my word, I wanted to have a Bible verse that would also be my verse for 2015. When I typed in the word balance into BibleGateway.com, most of the verses spoke of weights and balance. They really weren't what I was looking for. I wanted something more substantial. I wanted something to challenge me & my way of thinking. Then I looked up the definition of balance. One definition just jumped out at me. It was the third one, "mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc." Did you see that word ... stability??? That was it!!!

Now I needed to find a verse on stability. So I did what anyone would do. I Googled it!!!

(written June 7) Of course now that I had found my word, my job became insanely busy. If you’ll remember, I started last June with a travel management company based in Alabama. They are contracted to do several departments of the US government. I am on one of those teams. I do business/government travel for the Department of Commerce. Seemingly overnight, the team went from steady to crazy. We were short a couple of people and the calls just kept on coming. After talking travel all day, there were nights I could barely put 2 sentences together. Yikes!!!

Plus, I was doing a Bible study at church based on Jennie Allen’s book “Restless.” I also had choir rehearsals, teaching Sunday School, and our quilt guild meetings. And the weather was miserable on top of all that.

But somehow I found a few minutes to type a few more thoughts on March 15. And they follow:

From Google all the verses were good, but just didn't have the right "feel." Then last night I was flipping through some of my favorite Christian authors/speakers on Facebook. Many of them post verses as "photos" on a daily/weekly basis. I was going through Jennifer Rothschild’s and one verse just popped out -- Psalm 55:22. David writes, "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." I thought that's it!!! Matthew Henry's Commentary explains it like this, "Care is a burden; it makes the heart stoop (Prov. 12:25); we must cast it upon God by faith and prayer, commit our way and works to him; let him do as seemeth him good, and we will be satisfied. To cast our burden upon God is to stay ourselves on his providence and promise, and to be very easy in the assurance that all shall work for good. If we do so, it is promised, 1. That he will sustain us, support and supply us, will himself carry us in the arms of his power, as the nurse carries the sucking-child, will strengthen our spirits so by his Spirit as that they shall sustain the infirmity. He has not promised to free us immediately from that trouble which gives rise to our cares and fears; but he will provide that we be not tempted above what we are able, and that we shall be able according as we are tempted. 2. That he will never suffer the righteous to be moved, to be so shaken by any troubles as to quit either their duty to God or their comfort in him. However, he will not suffer them to be moved for ever (as some read it); though they fall, they shall not be utterly cast down.

So, as I go through my busy days, I know God is the only one who can truly sustain me. I cannot do it on my own. I must rely on Him every hour of every day. It reminds me of the old hymn, "I Need Thee Every Hour." The chorus is:

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;

Every hour I need Thee;

Oh, bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee.

So, my one word for 2015 ... BALANCE. I need it. I need Him!!!

Update from February 3rd doctor's appointment -- ALL GOOD!!! 

Next appointment, May 12.

Now, fast forward to today (June 8). Yesterday was National Cancer Survivor’s Day. That’s me. Not just a cancer survivor, but an overcomer. I know not everyone beats this nasty disease. I pray that someday there will be a cure. But I know beyond a shadow of doubt, that I AM BLESSED!!!!!!!!

That’s why I feel led to begin some sort of ministry to women who have or had cancer. I’m not sure what God wants me to do or what that ministry will look like, but I know he wants me to do something!!!

As always, your support & prayers mean so much to me.

Prayer requests & praises:

Pray that God will give me clear direction regarding this new ministry.

Pray that balance will come if He is in the center of all that I do.

Pray for my friend, Bob A., who is in rehab in TX with a very serious leg wound. He is in a lot of pain. I've known Bob since 4th grade. He is a Youth Pastor.

Praise – My hours were changed again. I’m now working 8:30am–5:30pm.

Praise – News from my May 12 appointment --- ALL GOOD!!!


Only by His Strength,
Sandy

My Year ... 2014

If you're on Facebook, everyone seems to be creating a "Year in Review." It's basically a scrapbook of pictures and life events from the past year. To some it's been a great year, to some a year of hardships and sadness. There have been marriages, new babies, new cars, new boyfriends or girlfriends, graduations, and new jobs. There have also been deaths of loved ones, loss of jobs, and health issues. In the world, we saw tragedies from a missing airline and ebola outbreaks, to violence in Russia, Syria, and here in the USA.We also cheered for our country in the Olympics and World Cup.

Every year has highs and lows, good and bad, happy and sad.

The only way I found to deal with life is a relationship with Jesus Christ. He doesn't promise that everything will be fabulous, but I can guarantee you that knowing my life is in His hands gives me ultimate peace & comfort.

So here is my Year in Review

January - choir brunch, port in, 1st date with Mr. Chemo, snow

February - 2nd date with Mr. Chemo, more snow

March - quilting site went live, 3rd & 4th dates with Mr. Chemo, more snow

April - 5th date with Mr. Chemo, end of unemployment

May - LAST DATE with Mr. Chemo!!!, drove to Pittsburgh for business, phone interview, didn't get job

June - called back & offered same job, Ocean City, NJ with friend, travel to Birmingham for training, visit friends in Atlanta

July - home from training, leaky pipes, Poconos, live at parent's home, attend wedding, weekend with friends in Cape May, NJ

August - first follow-up appointment (good), move back home, my birthday, choir picnic, Poconos, lunch with family and friend from Japan

September - nothing special - just still working awful late shift

October - family reunion, attend wedding, fly to Houston, TX for business

November - another follow-up appointment, quilt guild retreat, Thanksgiving with family and friend from Atlanta, work shift finally changed

December - choir dessert cantata, Christmas

All that plus choir rehearsals, teaching Sunday School, Philly Modern Quilt Guild meetings, lunch with friends, working 40 hours a week and trying to find time to go to the gym.

What will 2015 bring??? I don't have any idea. But what I do know is that as long as I'm with God and trying to follow what He wants me to do and go where He wants me to go and do what He wants me to do, I know it will be, as Steven Curtis Chapman sings, "A Glorious Unfolding."

Happy New Year Everyone!!!! 

Thanks for your support & prayers in 2014 and keep praying for me in 2015!!!!

Only by His Strength,
Sandy