Even Here ... Hallelujah

The past 10 days have been quite a whirlwind. Blood drawn, bags packed, chemo schedules altered, flight to a wedding celebration, breakfast with family in hotel room, quick drive through Clemson University, lunch with a long-time friend, back to the airport, church, doctor's appointments, test results, a Zoom book study, plus actually sitting in the chair and having chemicals pumped through your body in hopes of killing or slowing down the beast inside. No wonder I was so tired over the weekend and spent much of the time curled in a chair sleeping.

My hematology doctor appointment on Monday, October 5 went well and we'll evaluate my situation in a few months. At that point, she may cut my blood thinner dosage down. That was the good news of the week. After I got home from my early AM hematology appointment, I was able to access the results from my blood work. To say I was disappointed would be a huge understatement!!! How could my CA-125 go up??? Dear Lord ... what's going on??? Why God, why????

Then on Tuesday morning while waiting for my oncology appointment, I kept getting emails that I was scheduled for another round of chemo infusions. What??? This was number 3, this was it. Third times the charm ... right??? When I finally saw the doctor, he didn't even mention the higher CA-125 number and talked of getting another CT scan, etc. When I questioned about the added dates, he just said easier to cancel that to schedule if another was needed. Although that news was somewhat comforting .... I DON'T WANT TO DO ANOTHER ROUND OF CHEMO!!!!!!!! I am tired of chemo. I'm tired of cancer. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of wearing a hat. I'm tired of not being able to have energy to do anything. 

The only thing I'm not tired of is God's unswerving faithfulness through this journey. 

Recently, a song has been playing on Christian radio - "Hallelujah, Even Here" sung by Linda Laird. It has quickly become a favorite. But, what does hallelujah mean? Most of us think of the timeless classical piece, "The Hallelujah Chorus" and that's our main reference to the word hallelujah. Alternatively, if something good happens to us, we may exclaim ... "Hallelujah!" This compound word has two parts. The first part - hallelu - means to praise joyously. The second part of the word - yah - is short for Yahweh, the God of the Israelites. In the ESV (English Standard Version) Bible, the word hallelujah is only found in Revelation 19 under the subtitle, "Rejoicing in Heaven." Hallelujah is the word that saints and those who've gone before us are saying around the throne of God Almighty. This word should not be uttered lightly!

With all that has happened over the past several days/weeks, I will still joyously praise God my Father for whatever happens in my life. I may not always like what's happening, but my life is in His hands. Hallelujah ... even here!!!

 

Prayer requests:

- Clear CT scan. Not scheduled as yet, currently waiting for pre-certification.

- Labwork - Thursday, October 22 - 8:30am ET - pray for lower CA-125 number and good platelet number.

- Oncology follow-up appointment - Tuesday, October 27 - 8:30am ET

- Chemo - round 10 - Tuesday & Wednesday, October 27 & 28 (if necessary) 

As always I am constantly amazed by your friendship, your constant prayers and your ongoing encouragement. I am so thankful for YOU!!!

Only by His Strength,

Sandy