A tower in Pisa. An old rundown shack. Politicians. Me.
Those would all be good clues for the category "Things/People That are Leaning" on the $25,000 Pyramid TV game show.
But life is not a game show.
God has given each of us a choice -- whether to trust Him and His leading or go our own way. Many years ago, I made the decision to trust Him and I try to follow where He leads and trust that what He puts in my path is for my good and used to bring Him glory.
If you'll remember, at the end of October, I had a CT scan because my CA-125 number was rising. CA-125 is a marker in your blood for ovarian cancer. They did not see any cancer, but a small, fluid-filled cyst was spotted on my liver. My doctor wanted to drain some of that fluid to see what it was. So on November 6, I had a some of the fluid drained for testing and a medical drain inserted to "drain" some more of the fluid. Finally, after 24 days of my "friend" Mr. Bulby hanging around, they removed the drain. Hallelujah!!!
I found out the results of the testing during my November follow-up appointment. Results of the fluid were suspicious, but not confirmed for cancer. Just a bunch of a-typical cells floating around. However, my oncologist, Dr. A., wanted me to have another blood test and follow-up appointment at the end of December to see if the CA-125 went up or down.
With the support & prayers of many people, I had my blood work done on the morning of December 21. I didn't think I'd see/hear the results until my appointment on December 29. However, the results are published electronically to my portal on the hospital's website several days after testing. So, what did I see the morning after Christmas??? Unfortunately, the CA-125 number took a huge jump up. UGH!!!
With a friend in town for Christmas and visiting friends, etc., I didn't have much time to think about what the rising number would mean to my life.
However, the appointment with Dr. A. confirmed that those "suspicious" a-typical cells were having a party and we needed to put an end to their fun. And the only way to end their fun is 6 more rounds of chemo. This was not the news I was anticipating. I was convinced that my achy, arthritic knees and the inflammation there was the cause of my rising numbers. I was thinking... let me get the shots for my knees and see if the numbers go down. Dating Mr. Chemo again was not even on the list!!!
Again, God's ways are not my ways. We only see what's right in front of us and sometimes, we don't even see that!!! I was quite devastated and shocked. I cried. I yelled at God (not out loud). I thought ... I really hate cancer!!! And bummer, there goes my hair. Just when I was getting the hang of thick hair that holds a curl!!! But, again, God has me going through this again for a reason. I don't know now what that is, but I'm going to trust Him and lean on Him through it all.
I saw this on Ann Voskamp's facebook page yesterday. I love the saying.
And the person behind, in front, and on either side of me is the Almighty God. The Great Physician & Healer. I'm reminded of that old hymn, "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms." The words of the verses are by Elisha A. Hoffman and the refrain words are by Anthony J. Showalter. I especially like the last verse of the song. The words of the hymn are loosely based on Deuteronomy 33:27a - "The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms."
What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Refrain
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
O how bright the path grows from day to day,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Refrain
What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Refrain
Who are YOU leaning on???
To all my Prayer Warriors:
Please pray for the following --
- My first date with Mr. Chemo is scheduled for Tuesday, January 12 at 9am.
- That I would get the rest, the exercise, and the diet I need to start this treatment in the best shape.
- That God would use me for His glory every step of the way.
- That all the paperwork for my job would be filed quickly and efficiently.
Only by His Strength,
Sandy
PS. Here's a look at me today, with my current hair.
