In Christ Alone

Hello Dear Friends & Prayer Warriors -

I apologize for the long gap in posts, but the past 5 months have been some of the hardest months that I can remember.

It started on a November evening when my sister & I received the call that my Mom had been taken to the ER after a large dog knocked her down. We found out that she had broken her hip and needed a partial hip replacement. Surgery was successful and she was sent to a rehab facility for about a week. Unfortunately, she & Dad were unable to travel with us to visit family in Georgia for Thanksgiving. Not long after that, she was released from rehab due to her determination to walk again. During that time, we all worked together to do all the household chores that Mom was so good at doing. She came home and continued her steady progress of walking and finally doing the stairs to her sewing room on the second floor. Her first outing was Christmas Eve service. Life was basically back to normal.

December was a busy month with the Annual Dessert Cantata with my choir family. It was a blessed 4 nights of singing and celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Christmas was just the 4 of us. We were sad that some of our regular friends could not join us.

The day after Christmas was test day for me -- a CT scan and a mammogram. Mammogram was clear and I knew I would need to wait until January to find out the results of the  CaT scan. I had the rest of the week off and I was determined to do some house cleaning. The rest of the week went too fast. I didn't get as much done as I would have liked, but who does?

2018 arrived and my job became extremely busy. But on January 9, I had finally had my doctor's appointment. It was time to get the results. Two very good answers to prayer -- 1. spots smaller or gone and my CA125 number had gone from 34 to 33!!! Praise the Lord!!!!!!!! Next appointment on February 20.

On Sunday, January 21, I flew to Birmingham, AL to work at the home office for a week with my team followed at the end of the week with our company's annual meeting. Since we all work from our homes, it's always nice to work with people. Although, I was glad when I came back home to my nice, quiet office. My flight home was delayed many, many times, but I finally made it home and was welcomed home by my family with one of my favorite meals. It certainly was good to be home!!!

Monday, January 29 was, of course, another busy day, but since my sister was teaching that evening, I was expected to have dinner with my parents. I remember chatting about the annual meeting, etc. and just hanging out for a bit and leaving their home about 9pm so I could get home before my sister. Just another normal evening, until ...

Around 8am the next morning, my cell phone rang. I saw it was my parent's number. It's my Dad. He's telling me Mom had fallen and they've taken her by ambulance to the hospital. I'm thinking something has happened to her hip. So by the time I call my manager to get coverage, put on my shoes, grab my keys, etc. and head over to pick up Dad, his neighbor, greets me and says, "She didn't look good." Praying, driving, praying, driving. I drop my Dad at the ER entrance and then look for a place to park and quickly walk back to the ER. We wait for what seemed like a long time, finally someone called for us to follow them. I remembered that hallway, when I was in the hospital for my emergency surgery. They showed us into a room, but Mom was not in there. What's going on??? After a few minutes, a doctor came in. I really don't remember much, but we were telling him about Mom's hip replacement and then he was talking about all they tried to do, but in the end, Mom went to meet Jesus. I think Dad & I were just in shock. This could not be happening!!! I don't remember much after that. They wanted to know if we wanted to see her body, but I remember telling them, that she wasn't there she was in heaven. Then I called my sister and had to tell her over the phone that Mom was gone.

The rest of that day, I called family & friends and cried my eyes out. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. January 30, 2018 was the day our lives changed. My sister & I suddenly had to take over the responsibility of taking care of Dad. Although he can do his own laundry, pay the bills, take care of the outside of the house, cooking & cleaning are not in his wheelhouse! The next day, we met with the funeral director and made plans to bury her the following Monday with a small graveside service. We are thankful that many of Mom's cousins, some of our "family" from Georgia were here and some other family friends were able to be at the cemetery with us. Instead of a funeral, we decided to have a Celebration of Life service. After finally confirming the date, March 3, we spent the month of February planning the service and making sure all the details were covered.

If you missed her obituary, you can read it here: 
http://www.bradleystow.com/notices/Carolyn-Perry

In the midst of all this, I had another follow-up appointment on February 20. It was a good appointment and my CA125 went from 33 to 32. Down is a good thing. I was afraid that all the stress of Mom's passing would elevate my numbers, but God is good & the number went down.

Of course the day before the service, March 2, the weather turned nasty and several friends were unable to travel to the service. And I still had to write what I was going to say about Mom. I am grateful to the Lord that the words just flowed and I prayed that I could get through my part without bawling. Thanks be to God that I was able to speak clearly and lovingly about my Mom.

Thankfully, March 3 was a beautiful, sunny day. Thank you Jesus! The service included two anthems sung by the FAC Choir, scripture readings, a beautiful song by my "niece & nephew," reflections by my Dad and myself, and a message by one of our pastors. A reception followed at our church's Kingdom Cafe. As much as I wished that this didn't happen, my mantra was Mom was fondly remembered and God was glorified.

The rest of March was a blur between the weather, being extremely busy at work, trying to find a new normal routine, attending Bible Study, choir rehearsals, quilt guild meetings, and helping Dad deal with all the paperwork that you need to deal with when a loved one dies, and trying to deal with my own grief, it was probably one of the lowest points in my life. If I didn't have Jesus, I would need to be treated for depression. But these thoughts keep me going and keep me focused ... Would it have been better a day later? A week? A month? A year? Five years??? NO!!! She is the lucky one. She is in heaven. She is in His presence. She is glorifying Him. She is dining at His table. She is walking the streets of gold and living in the mansion that was readied especially for her. Until the day I can see Jesus face to face, I will miss her with every fiber of my being, but I know that nothing in my life happens without being filtered through the loving hands of my Lord. And everytime I question why, the answer comes ... for my good and His glory!!!

April also flew by with Easter, my Dad's birthday, jury duty, our quilt guild's spring retreat, plus many of the normal weekly activities. I think we are finally getting into a good groove. 

On April 17, I again had a follow-up visit. Although my CA125 went from 32 to 33, my doctor did not seem too concerned and my next appointment is on June 5. Otherwise, I feel great, but I need to find time and desire to get back to the gym.

Well, that's all she wrote ... for now. I'll be back soon with my long overdue "word" for 2018. I thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement, hugs, texts, emails, and Facebook posts. I continue to covet your prayers for my family and my health. 

This song by Tauren Wells has been an encouragement to me over the past months. I hope you will find it encouraging, too.

Only by His strength,

Sandy

It's just simple math

43 + 6 = 38 + 6 = 34

Anyone who knows me, knows math is not my best subject. However, I'll take this math equation for my CA125 numbers.

In August my CA125 had gone back up to 43.

My next follow-up appointment was 6 weeks later at the end of September.

My CA125 was back down to 38!!! Praise the Lord!!!

If you add another 6 weeks, 

At my follow-up appointment in early November, my number was down to 34!!! Praise the Lord!!!


I can't believe that I've been on this journey for almost 4 years. Thank you everyone for all the prayers, hugs, encouragement, cards, emails, and texts. 

I am blessed.

Prayer Requests:

I need to have another CT scan before my next follow-up appointment.

My next appointment is January 2, 2018. Pray for a lower CA125 number.

Only by His Strength,
Sandy

PS - I'll blog more at the end of the year!!! :)

My Inner Leopard

Leopards. One of the 5 "big cats" in the world. A stealthy killer and excellent tree climber. And they are known for their rosettes or "spots." 

As I learned from the doctor on Tuesday afternoon, I still have my spots, too. One little one on my lung and one on my liver. There was no change from my PET scan in March. In one way, that's good news. In another, that's not good news. As best I can figure, the pill that I'm taking has stopped them from growing and more from developing. I know the only one that can remove them completely is God.

The other disappointing news is that my CA125 number went up 5 points to 43. Although 5 may not seem like much, but to me, that's not good.

While there isn't anything I can do to remove the spots, the one thing I can do is continue to place my trust in the One who created me and has a perfect plan for my life. He is the ultimate spot remover. He died on the cross to take away the spot of sin that destroys our lives. We just need to believe and trust Him.

I've been playing this song by Lauren Daigle. The words are right where I am right now.

Who or what are YOU trusting in??? 

Prayer Requests:

* Next doctor appointment on Tuesday, September 26
* Get on track with my writing

Only by His Strength,
Sandy

And the number is ...

Hello Everyone!!!

I hope you are enjoying your summer as much as I am. I've been so busy since my last doctor's appointment, but more on that in another post.

Yesterday, Tuesday, July 18, I had another oncology appointment to find out my CA-125 number. After lots of prayer, I got the news the number is now ...

It still needs to be lower, but to me, 38 is great! 

Between now and my next appointment on August 15, I need to having another CT (cat) scan. 

Well, that's all for now. Enjoy your summer!!! Keep cool!!! 

Prayer Requests:

The spots on my lung and liver will be gone!
Lower CA-125 number

Only by His Strength,
Sandy

It's LIMBO time! Ole!!!

Last month, from May 18-23th, it was finally time for the Leader's Circle trip I had won at our company's annual meeting. While in Mexico, we went to Chichen Itza, swam with dolphins, sea lions, and manatees, I laid by the pool, and we boarded the Jolly Roger for a fun dinner pirate cruise. It was fun getting to know some of my co-workers better and get away from the craziness of life.

Me at Chichen Itza

But as with all vacations, you need return to reality. Unfortunately, my reality involves taking a small pill everyday called Tamoxifen in hopes that it continues to zap the teeny, weeny spot on my lung and praying I will have none of the nasty (possibly life-threatening) side effects. Of course, as the day draws closer for my next oncology appointment, so do my doubts. Is this pill working? Was the last test just a fluke? Will I still need more chemo? Then I pray and remember that it is ALL in His Hands. This song from Hillary Scott is also a good reminder.

So ... when doing the limbo, you must go low to get under the obstacle. When you are doing the CA125 limbo, you also want your number to be low. Lower than 35 is considered normal. As I waited for the doctor yesterday, I just kept praying, and hoping, and thinking lower. And to my delight ... the number was 51!!! Down 39 "points" in six weeks!!! Praise the Lord!!! So here's Shemika Charles, a limbo expert, as she auditioned for America's Got Talent several years ago. She's doing my "happy limbo dance."

Thank you for your continued prayers & encouragement. Love & hugs to you all!!!

Mighty Prayer Warriors (MPWs) - Prayer requests:

Pray for my next appointment on July 18. Pray that my CA125 would again be down.

Pray for the Lord's guidance as I write & develop the lessons for the kids during our church's summer program. 

Pray for time to continue developing my book idea. 

Only by His Strength,
Sandy

Blessed on this Journey

Hello everyone! I'm sorry it's been so long between updates, but there has been a lot going on and little time to do one of my favorite things ... tell of the incredible blessings I have received from the Lord since my last update. 

When I last wrote, I was excited that my CT scan did not reveal anything new and actually the liver cyst was actually a little bit smaller. Hooray! However, the doctor did want me to have my numbers check in about a month to see if they went lower.

Then work got crazy busy and I traveled to Birmingham, Alabama for our company's annual meeting. This was a big year - 40 years in business. It was a 70's theme and I was able to dance to "old" music that I hadn't heard in several years. It was fun to see my teammates and friends from past years. On Saturday afternoon is our awards ceremony. They give awards for top producers, top customer service providers, and several other categories. Since the account I work on will never be busy enough to be in the top producer category, I just cheered wildly for the ones who won. The last category was for the top customer service providers that are calculated from our "Fan" surveys at the bottom of each itinerary. They divided the year into two parts - January through June and July through December. Unfortunately, I didn't qualify for the first half of the year, but I was one of about 12 that qualified for the second half of the year. As we all stood in anticipation to see whose name was drawn from the "hat," I kept thinking, "It's not me, it's not me, it's not me." Next to me was my manager. She keeps saying, "It's you, it's you, it's you." Well, after the president picked the name of someone who already was going, and then with a long, dramatic pause ... he said my name!!!! I WON!!!!!!!!!! I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What did I win??? A 6 day/5 night all expenses paid trip to the beautiful Grand Princess Riviera Resort in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico in May. I'm excited and I am blessed!

I came back from the meeting and had my blood drawn on February 6. Unfortunately, my CA125 had gone up again to 79. Although not a great number, I was just told to have another blood test in one month. Work was extremely busy and the month went quickly, but not without a little bit of drama. We had a new roof put on our home to hopefully satisfy the insurance company, but we didn't find out until the final day that they had restored our policy and we were good. Another blessing! Then less than a week later, our heater died. Thankfully, we were in a bit of a mild spell and we toughed it out and now we have a new heater. Another blessing!

March was another busy month, but still found blessings when & where least expected. At the end of February, I started a new Bible study with some of the girls from the fall semester. We are doing the "Names of God" by Tony Evans. It is a fantastic study! Then "out of the blue," a friend, NB, contacted me through Facebook and asked if I would be in church the following day because she and her daughter, NR, had something they wanted to "show" me. We planned a meeting place & time and I went to bed intrigued. After church the next day, I meet with NB who told me NR was not there, but she told me this story. You see, NB makes beautiful jewelry and she had made this necklace for a customer. NR commented that she should make one for me. And so, this is the fabulous & beautiful necklace that NB made for me.

But notice the words -- Jehovah Rapha, God Our Healer. NB didn't know I had just started a Bible study on The Names of God. And that's just how God works & blesses. I know I certainly felt loved, encouraged, and truly blessed!!! Thank you NB & NR from the bottom of my heart!!! 

Clinging to my new necklace, I had another blood test on March 6 for my CA125 number. Up and up the number goes. It was now 116. Since the number was over 100, my doctor ordered a PET scan. No longer would the just the cats be scanning me, I say jokingly, I now have all kinds of pets scanning me. But if you don't know what a PET scan is, here is the short definition from Healthline.com: A positron emission tomography (PET) scan is an imaging test that allows your doctor to check for diseases in your body. The scan uses a special dye that has radioactive tracers. These tracers are injected into a vein in your arm. Your organs and tissues then absorb the tracer.

After waiting to get "pre-certified" by my insurance company and then finding out that I really didn't need to get "pre-certified" at all, I scheduled my scan for first thing on Thursday, March 23. After I got checked in, they escorted me back to a private room where they prepped me for the test. After failing to find a good vein to shoot the dye into, the opted for my hand. That was special!!! Then you relax in a nice reclining chair with a blankie in a dark room for an hour. Nap time. After about an hour, they lead you into the room where the PET scan machine lives. You lay down on the "tray" that will be transporting you through the machine for about the next 25 minutes or so. After they make sure you are comfortable, the test begins. That's when I did my PET scan prayers and some singing in my head. Throughout the test, the technician kept telling me how much more time. The first time she said something, it was 18 minutes left. Then I fixated on that number. Why didn't she tell me at 20 minutes? Or 15 minutes? I just kept thinking ... 18 minutes was an odd amount of time. Next thing I knew it was 6 minutes. Again I thought ... what an odd amount of time. But soon the test was over and I was on my way home to eat something and log in to work for the day. I was just thankful that I had no side effects from the test.

After a fun weekend that included lunch with a friend and then attending a high school production of "The Importance of Being Earnest," it was finally Monday morning and I would find out the results of the PET scan. Again, I'm convinced that it's the silly little liver cyst and they should just schedule surgery and cut it out of me. I was extremely confident that this was the culprit for my rising numbers. Well ... I was 100% wrong. It was not the liver cyst that "lit up" in the scan, but a new, tiny spot in my LUNG!!! I was just so shocked, I had to ask my doctor several times if he did indeed say lung. And yes, a teeny spot that has cancerous properties, not truly cancer, but it could become cancer. UGH!!!! 

With that diagnosis, his first words were we need to start chemo again ... different drugs, but chemo again. Before the appointment, I had already prayed for wisdom and made up my mind that chemo would be the very, very last option once all other options had been explored. So, untypical of myself, I asked what other options were available. The next option was a prescription for a pill that is taken daily called Tamoxifen. I'm currently taking this drug with the hopes & prayers that this will kill whatever is "feeding" this little spot. And that this little spot in my lung with shrivel up and disappear ... permanently. Although it was not the news I was hoping for, I feel blessed that I had an option and that I'm not facing chemo at this point in time. 

Now, back to my Bible Study group. This past week, we were focused on the names -- Jehovah Nissi, The LORD My Banner and Jehovah Tsaba, The LORD Our Warrior. This was exactly what I needed to hear after my news on Monday. Jehovah Nissi is from the story in Exodus 17:8-16 where Israel is fighting Amalek. While Joshua and the army are fighting in the valley, Moses, Aaron & Hur are at the top of a hill overlooking the battle. As long has Moses holds up the staff of God, Israel wins. When he lowers the staff, Amalek wins. So, what do Aaron and Hur do for a very tired Moses? You guessed it ... They find a big rock for him to sit on and they hold up his arms so the army of the Lord prevails against Amalek. 

My friends, YOU are my Aaron's & my Hur's. As I continually raise my hands to the Lord on this long and sometimes tiring journey, you stand with me, you allow me to rest, but most importantly, you surround me and uphold me with all your love, encouragement, hugs, and many prayers.

Over the years, I've been on many trips. I would really like to get to all 7 continents before I die. I'm only missing 3!!! However, the past 3 years has been a trip like no other. In my last post, I mentioned that God had given me word and a task for 2017. The word is journey and the task is to write a book. I don't know if it will ever be published, but I know that I need to do what 2 Corinthians 5:7 states, "for we walk by faith, not by sight."

Prayer requests for my Mighty Prayer Warriors (MPW's):

* Blood work & follow-up appointment to see if the Tamoxifen is starting to work
* No side effects from the new drug
* That I will have dedicated time to begin the research phase, that I will have wisdom to search in the correct locations, and that the truth would be known.

Once again, I am humbled and honored that you are praying for me. 

Only by His Strength,
Sandy

Another Round in the War Room

When I began this journey a little over 3 years ago, I couldn't have imagined the path that the Lord has led me on. I been over mountains and hills, found valleys both shallow and deep, and rocky roads with many bumps in all areas of my life. I played this video almost everyday over the past several weeks. It is beautifully sung by The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. Our choir sang it several years ago. The words are exactly how I was feeling. I wish we could sing this again and in my dreams, I sing the solo.

When you've been diagnosed with cancer, you never escape the feeling that it will come back and come back with a vengeance. In the back of your mind, you're always thinking about the next oncology visit and what's going on in your body.

Since my last doctor's visit on December 6, my mind has sometimes worked double time. If I'm honest, there were days I convinced myself I was dying and I was planning my funeral and other days I was convinced I was going to live a very, long time. But everyday when an anxious thought passed through my brain, I had to take a breath and say a quick prayer and give it up to God.

Thankfully, December is a very busy month on my social calendar. Between singing for four nights with my choir family, quilt guild, to celebrating the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ with family & friends, it was a perfect distraction to get me through the battles in my mind.

Over the past month, I have been prayed for by countless prayer warriors and prayed over by the elders from my church. As I went into my appointment on Tuesday, January 10, I knew that whatever the outcome, I was ready and God was holding my hand.

As I waited, I prayed, I sang quietly, and I waited some more. Finally, the Advance Practice Nurse (APN) arrived and after a few pleasantries said quite nonchalantly, "your scan looked good." Quite surprised, I said, "Really?" In fact, she said the liver cyst was a little smaller and everything looked good. We shared a few laughs about her falling down the steps on the way into church and then she left the room to get the doctor. 

When the doctor came in, he also confirmed that there was nothing new on the scan. We talked about whether you treat the number or treat what's on the scan. He said it's a fine line and at this point, he was inclined not to "treat" anything. However, he does want me to get another blood test for CA-125 in the beginning of February. Then based on those results, it's either do nothing or I'll need to get a PET scan. No longer just the CaT, but dogs, birds, and fish, too!!! LOL!!! 

I've been so relieved over the past few days. I feel like I can plan my life again. But most of all, I feel thankful, grateful and I just stick my hands up and say, "Hallelujah!!!"

To all my faithful Prayer Warriors -- THANK YOU!!!! Your prayers do make a huge difference in my life and I do appreciate each and every one of you. If I could travel to hug all of you, I would do it in a heartbeat. So, just hug your spouse, your children, your parents, your siblings, and your friends a little extra today.

Please pray - My blood test will be early morning on February 6.

Only by His strength,

Sandy

PS - I still need to write my year in review and reveal my word for 2017. God is still speaking to his people and I am listening.